Abby's Musings

Stressed Out With Work & School?

2009-02-02T03:15:00.000-08:00

And so am I! Help!

I told myself- the best person who can help me most is nobody else but me. Am I making sense here? I figured, after observing myself for years and people all around me, that we truly do create most of our own stresses, joys and heartaches. What makes me uptight or happy is how I perceive and respond to situations.

For instance, these past few days, I have tons of things to do - work deadlines and four papers to complete this month so I'll graduate next month.

Here's how I tried to help myself...

Exercise: I exercised this morning (did leg and arm stretches) and this afternoon (light aerobics). It cleared my head so I could think more coherently and come up with a better itinerary for my new boss. The light aerobics this afternoon courtesy of www.SparkPeople.com eased the minor aches in my shoulders for doing computer work all day. I tried Spark People's 15 minute desk workout and I felt much better. Go try it sometime; it's fairly easy.

Delegate: There are so many nitty gritties to this itinerary - coordinating with people in 3 countries in such a short time-that I can't do it and still have time for my other work deadlines and make some headway on my school papers. So I was compelled to think of who can possibly help me with the coordination when I have no staff? Well, I realized that if I think hard enough, there are people in each country whom I can request to take care of certain things. I did that this afternoon-requested help in completing various details.

Essential vs Urgent: It's a daily battle with the "urgent" screaming for attention. Hey Abby, sit up and think! Take time to differentiate between what's essential and what's urgent. Taking time for solitude and exercise is essential. Washing clothes, sweeping the floor and fixing the clutter in the cupboard are "urgent." They can wait till the weekend.

Hugs, sunsets and kittens: Take a break from work and let someone give me hugs - my hubby or friends. This afternoon I opened the front door and caught glimpses of the setting sun. Before those glimpses, I watched our kitten play. And pretty soon the hugs will come...

What Parenting Is Not

2009-01-31T06:31:00.000-08:00

There was so much more that I learned from Amy, the stay at home mom, I met at the 8-hour queue last Thursday. I did ask for her permission to share on my blog some of the things she confided to me.

For Amy, parenting is not, asking older children in the family to be responsible for their younger siblings. Amy came from a family of 13 children in an impoverished village; she was the 7th child. She was responsible for taking care of one younger sibling. She also helped with household chores. She sadly recalled her particular chore as a grade schooler: "As soon as I got home, I would quickly set aside my school bag and take off my uniform, change my clothes and feed the pigs. I did not have much time to play. I never really experienced what it was to be a 'child.'

For Amy, parenting is not, letting the kids fend for themselves. Unlike her two boys who are experiencing what it's like to have a mother who prepares their lunch box, tutors them, and joins them in their field trips, Amy studied on her own. Her mother had to earn a living and there were other children to take care of. Yet, Amy did quite well in school that a medal awaited her at graduation day. Unfortunately, both her parents could not make it.

"Perhaps that was my destiny," Amy said. "I promised myself that when I had my own family, things would be different."

Despite a meager income, Amy makes sure that her sons get to join their school's field trips. She helps them out with their lessons, plays with them, assigns them light chores like washing the dishes, and ensures that they only watch TV one hour each day.

Amy believes that her concerns should extend beyond her family. So she volunteers at the city government's feeding program and bring her boys along once in a while. "I want them to realize that they are better off than other children, even if we are also poor. And I think they are catching on. Once my younger boy, shared his lunch with his schoolmate who had no food."

How many Amys are there in this country?

I don't know, but for sure her story lifted my spirit. It renewed my faith in God and in the resilience of the Filipinos amidst the widespread poverty and helplessness.

What's So Hard About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom?

2009-01-29T02:50:00.000-08:00

Can something remotely meaningful emerge out of a 8-hour queue?

Lining up for two successive days at the Social Security System office is not my idea of a meaningful day. But it had to be done. Yesterday I was in line for 3 hours and today it was 8 hours.

Today I met Amy (not her real name), a stay-at-home mom with two boys in grade school - a 10 year old and an eight year old.

Amy recalled how her husband told her that being a housewife is easy. She can do household chores and rest when she needs to. Budgeting is not that difficult as she makes it out to be. Though she vehemently disagreed, Amy kept mum.

Then some months later, her husband lost his job, so Amy had to work, while her hubby stayed at home. He took care of the kids and did the household chores. He also took charge of the budgeting. After a few weeks of being a stay-at-home dad Amy's husband said, "It's so hard staying at home and taking care of the kids. How about resigning from your job and let me work instead?"

What were Amy's thoughts about all these?

"The experience was good for my husband. It gave him a better understanding of what wives do when they're at home...Wives must attend to a lot of things; they have to learn to multitask. Men tend to focus on a single thing- their job."

I wonder what men have to say to Amy's observation, and what other women have to say.

What do you think: Are women more inclined to multitask than men?

This Way to Burma...

2009-01-26T05:15:00.000-08:00

Water puddles, muddy side roads, sidewalks stained by red betel nut juice. This too is Burma (Myanmar)to me.

But what I treasure is memories of the children of Burma. Kids with organic cooling tanaka on their faces. Kids for whom wood and plastic blocks are a novelty. Kids whose parents can only afford to put steamed rice in their lunch boxes, so the school takes care of their meat or veggie dish.

Many of Burma's children are undernourished, so it's fairly common to see children who are stunted and underweight.Nutritious meals are beyond the reach of many poor families who subsist on rice porridge, and so is safe water. In the community where these photos were taken, water must be boiled. Cooking gas is too expensive for many families and firewood is a scarce resource, so the poor must make do with unboiled, unsafe water.

Despite these limitations, these kids' parents strive to send them to school because they value education. More than half however of the 80% of children who are enrolled do not complete primary school.

My friends and I do what little we can and personally I am grateful for the chance to help. Yet I feel like I'm standing on the shore of an endless sea of needs. Feelings of helplessness and inadequacy do set in. Many times. Far too often than I prefer. But because we are part of a big community of people and organizations helping the people of Burma, we refuse to lose hope.

We keep on.."one child at a time."

Surviving Trips Abroad: From Neophyte Me

2009-01-24T04:28:00.000-08:00

To this day it still amuses me no end that I ended up with jobs that require me to travel. For one, I have no sense of direction. Also, there's not a drop of wanderlust in me:I could stay inside the house for 2 weeks and enjoy it.

I like helping people, however, and I find such pleasure in meeting people from other cultures. After several years of lugging my suitcase through airports, I am a little more adventurous than I used to be. But only 3 of those years have been spent traveling overseas, so I'm still new at this.

That's why I still resort to some kind of self-deception to make it through several days of being away from home and speaking English from morning till night. My first language is Filipino so speaking English for many days turns me a bit claustrophobic!

I flew to Burma (Myanmar) recently and that trip compelled me to hone my survival skills again. How did I do it?

Confession time!

Here's what I did...

Rearranged hotel room: Draped the bedside table with a cream cloth (the hotel's laundry bag);placed the orchid from Thai Airways on a black ceramic ash tray (the hotel's too)- my idea of a floral arrangement. Voila! It felt a little more like home.

Celebrated with the local people: The nationals I work with did such a fine job on our joint project so we went out and had a sumptuous dinner, snapped pictures,shared some laughs.

Brought pictures of those I love: Tucked into my wallet were pictures of my hubby, my kid sister and her daughter. It seemed like they were in Burma too.

Drafted my next blog post...like what I did on January 11th. I eagerly waited for the next chance to visit an internet cafe or the next time there would be electric power in a city plagued by frequent power failures so I could publish my post. But I had to wait till I was home and had some rest. So here...

Why Blog Indeed! They Said...

2009-01-23T04:55:00.000-08:00

Seven people have graciously taken the effort to reply to my probe: "Why blog?"

Here's a quick rundown of the answers that were given. Check this out if what prods you to blog is in this list; if not, let me hear from you too:

Meet friends, interact (most frequently mentioned)
Self examination
Vent out frustrations
Spread awareness on health issues
For fun
Chance to write
Earn money
Track financial goals
Make people aware of one's country

To all those who have responded to my query, "Thanks a lot!"

It's been almost two weeks since my last post. I sorely missed blogging but there was so much work to do, I had no time to make my posts. Even then I manage to make drafts and turn over some ideas in my mind which you will be reading about in the coming days.

I am back at blogging with a vengeance ha ha

Why Blog???? Or Why Not?!

2009-01-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

Being a newbie with blogging and wondering if I am making wise use of my precious time, I did some soul searching: Why do I blog?

Well, I like to write but having a full time job limits my writing to technical writing - reports, project proposals, letters. So blogging stirs have my repressed creativity. Writing anonymously gives me the courage to articulate ideas, convictions, impressions that I would not dare share with strangers one on one. I feel some exhilaration as well in taking this risk like in yesterday's blog when I dared to make some political statement. Quite tepid but a step away from political apathy.

And of course, I get a thrill from having my blogs read and commented on! Who doesn't?! Maybe there are- those who are much more self-contained than the average lot like me.

And lastly, I never realized how enriching blogging can be in terms of getting information in a more personal way, seeing life and the world through a myriad of perspectives and cross-culturally at that!

I wonder about other bloggers, why do they blog? What kind of motivation would prod someone to wrack his brains, bare her soul and expend precious hours blogging? Is there a downside to this?

Can We Remain Apolitical?

2009-01-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

It's so easy to distance ourselves from what's going on around us; we have enough personal troubles to sort through, resolve or accept and live through till it sorts itself out (we hope).

I look at my country:With our top leaders aiming primarily to further entrench themselves in power, enrich themselves with the people's money, we are headed for the dumps.

I look at the rest of the world: Millions starve in Zimbabwe and other countries in Africa and Asia; millions await rehabilitation from previous calamities - earthquakes, typhoons; millions crouch in fear for their lives whether from local rebel groups or foreign troops invading their homeland.

Can we remain apolitical? To bring the question, much closer can I? How much longer can I stay parochial in my concerns?

I read of Israel's air strike on Gaza and killing innocent civilians and the escalating war as Israeli troops move into a ground offensive. The plight of the Palestinians stirs up pity, sympathy, then anger at how warring nations make innocent civilians, including children, fair game.

So what am I do to do?

Me a typically apolitical woman is writing this particular post to protest the war in Gaza. Not because I am pro-Palestinian and anti Jewish.

I am protesting our inhumanity to fellow humans.

I want my voice to be heard and be counted as one who wants harmony in the world. I want to move out of my political apathy - speak out and do what little I can to promote harmony where I am. Today.

Come Away with Me...to India

2009-01-02T16:04:00.000-08:00

Never thought I'd end up in India last year!

I did not go through the usual tourist route; I was there for work. But I did get to enjoy its exotic sights, so if you ever get a chance to visit India, here's some tips:

1. Go girl watching

This lithe 9 year old danced on a tin plate, moving from the center to the rims with graceful fingers and a smile of a real trooper.

Here are 2 pretty girls gamely smiling for the cam after dancing for foreign guests like me.

2. Visit the home of the great Gandhi

3. Get a tattoo.

It's my dream come true. Ha ha! Tell me, what's your "dream come true" for 2008? Let's compare notes ;>)

Musings of a New Wife

2008-12-31T13:07:00.000-08:00

What a year 2008 has been! There's no other quite like it.

Being married for a little over a year stretched me considerably- I am just a little wiser now. What little wisdom I've gained I hope I'd keep and the few foibles I've faced up to I pray I'd remember to be less defensive about.

A hearty "Yes" to...

1. Tolerating clutter
(If it's not a threat to life and limb nor a serious deterrent to health, ignore it girl!)

2. Listening to my husband
(...With thoughtful attention whether he's reading poetry to me, ranting about our corrupt president or raving about his site meter)

3. Affirming my hubby and best friend
("You're articulate, an incisive thinker, technologically savvy and can be depended on to help me with our piles of laundry.")

Less of...

Presuming, instead I will ask about what I do not know or understand.

Resenting, instead I will open my mouth and put into words whatever it is that's bothering me.

And of course, how can I forget the one word that for many years I had associated with moral decadence (I am going through quite a paradigm shift here!) - compromise. It fits beautifully into marriage, making us a little more nimble as we stumble through some rough spots.

A happy new year to all! Let's keep on loving and enjoying life...

Living Green and Grinning

2008-12-30T13:38:00.000-08:00

Living green certainly eats up a lot of time and effort: sorting our trash into biodegradable and non-biodegradable, buying huge flower pots for food waste (unfortunately our apartment does not come with a yard) - my version of a compost, and making separate categories for clean paper, batteries and what not.

But it has its perks! I collect all clean plastic bags and set them aside for my favorite fruit vendor. After asking if it was okay with him if I give him our clean plastic bags (from previous purchases elsewhere), I've been bringing him those bags since then. Not only do I get a considerable discount (which I did not expect) for my purchases, I also walk home with a grin on my face. Plus I am making sure that all those clean, reusable plastic bags are put into good use, instead of ending up in the trash bin and in the huge landfills.

But there's one drawback about all these detailed sorting of "trash," - it's driving my loving hubby up the wall. How exactly? Now that' s for an entirely new blog.

Burning Money

2008-12-29T07:55:00.000-08:00

It's 11.55 pm and I'm still awake. Blame it on the blasted firecrackers that are blasting at the moment. Firecrackers is such an entrenched part of celebrating new year here in Manila and in many parts of the Philippines. It's a celebration that begins several days before New Year's eve. For the past days, exploding firecrackers intrude on people like me who prefer to go to bed at 8 pm and rise early.

Last night I was fuming mad for the same reason and wished these people who like to burn money ought to do it inside their homes and blast their eardrums. And not disturb people like me who are violently opposed to firecrackers which kill people, burn down houses and tear the ozone layer.

Firecrackers cost a lot of money, and here in my country, exploding firecrackers is burning precious money which millions of Filipinos don't have much of these days. Many families are going hungry.

After ranting like this, I'll try to get some sleep...

Burma on My Mind

2008-12-28T00:55:00.000-08:00

It's been more than a year since I last visited Rangoon.

My last visit was in September 2007. The night before I left, a blaring announcement rudely awakened me. I could not understand what was being said, but I quickly sensed something was very wrong and remembered the beginnings of martial law in the Philippines. The next morning I learned from front desk that it was an announcement about the imposition of curfew starting that day; everyone should be home by 9pm-5am.

It was an early morning drive to the airport that morning and my Chin friend was pointing out to me army trucks moving into the city.

Monk- led rallies marked the previous days which the world watched on their TV screens/computer monitors. My Chin friend, concerned for my safety, would not even allow me to watch the rallies from afar; he intentionally kept me as far as possible from the rallies.

Nevertheless, I saw the side of Yangon that the military junta keeps on hiding from the rest of the world: Children, women, men walking on the streets in the rain because they could not afford to commute. Bus fare had increased to 200% - from 3 cents to $15 which is half a month's salary of a school teacher. Many walked through rain and flooded streets without umbrellas because they would rather have food than covering for their bodies. At that time the price of 1 sack (30 kilos) of rice had risen by 65%- from $14 to $21. At that time many families only ate once a day and a meal was a small bowl of rice porridge.

All my thoughts and feelings about what I saw in Rangoon I kept inside. My Chin friends were suffering enough; I could not burden them with my tears. I had to wait for my debriefing in Bangkok.

But my tears, all the pent up sorrow over the suffering that I saw, could not wait for the Bangkok debriefing. I cried on the plane. Bitter tears. Tears of helplessness at so much suffering...

Come January I will visit Rangoon again...Will I be brave enough to see suffering upon suffering heaped on hapless Burma?

Start Them Young

2008-12-26T01:31:00.000-08:00

A few days after our honeymoon, my husband and I moved into our new apartment; we had no furniture, no furry friends. After some days, a yellow cat, appeared on our kitchen door, and meowwed itself into our lives, so we had no choice but to adopt it.

To our surprise, Garfield (that's the name we gave her) refuses to eat veggies which is what we usually eat. We also eat fish, but after dinner all that Garfield gets are bones and fish heads (my Western readers, I don't mean to grouse you out). All efforts to change her into a veggie-eating feline failed.

Finally, she has a kitten that survived the first 3 critical weeks (she lost her 3 previous kittens)...Once we got some veggies mixed with the fish, what Garfield refused to eat, Kuting (the name we gave the kitten) ate.

Since then, Kuting has been eating leafy veggies. Start them young, I say. Just this morning, to our great delight, she ate onions and garlic. Bright kitten, she knows anti-oxidants are good for her! Wish more of us humans are as wise as our little kitten.

Unlikely Christmas Portraits

2008-12-24T18:16:00.000-08:00

A few days before Christmas, I was walking home and chanced upon a lady and her son foraging people's trash for empty mineral water bottles and other things they could sell to the junk shop. Other people's trash was what they sold to earn money for their meals for that day...A few kilometers away were several malls buzzing with people rushing through their Christmas shopping, but here was a mother and her child who's overarching concern was surviving the day.

Yesterday while riding the jeepney to visit my brother, an old man, maybe in his late 70s, sat opposite me. He was sleeping so I could freely look at him. Wrinkles lined his face. His wrinkled, sun scorched hand firmly held on to some plastic children's toys wrapped in thin colored plastic. Was he off to visit a precious grandchild? How long did it take him to save to buy two pieces of toys that may have cost around twenty pesos ($.50)? Was he taking such a long trip of several rides and it was wearing him down?

A young lady told me she has never recieved a Christmas card. She's 18...

I've known what it's like to be poor: to eat rice porridge the whole summer, to live in a house made of boards (like plywood) and hoping it would withstand the storm, to listen to my youngest brother tell me he sold paper bags on the streets so he would have money for his school needs.

And yet we were only poor for some seasons...I don't know the grinding poverty of the mother and her child scavenging the streets for their next meal nor never receiving a Christmas card. These are the painful portraits of the poverty of my people - the tens of millions of Filipinos living below the poverty line.

Finding Friends

2008-12-20T02:11:00.000-08:00

Being technologically savvy is one thing I am not, but I do enjoy meeting up with friends. If I can't do that face to face, then the social networks are a good substitute for "visiting" friends across the miles.

These past few days I've reconnected with several friends via Facebook, discovered that my 13 year old niece is at Facebook and my 18 year old niece is at Friendster, and delighted my eyes with a friend romancing his new camera!

Muscle Mobility, EMG...What?!

2008-03-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

Had you asked me 3 months ago what muscle mobility or EMG was, I would have given you a blank stare. I still don't much about these two but I have certainly experienced what EMG is and have better muscle mobility.

Way back June 2007 I had pain on my right shoulder while travelling overseas alone trying to help a fledgling pre school in Yangon stay afloat. The pain lasted for weeks and I tried to soothe it with hot packs. Eventually the severe pain vanished; what stayed was occasional discomfort on my right shoulder. Months passed...I no longer noticed the discomfort.

What alerted me to the alarming condition of my left shoulder was when I discovered that I could no longer put on a shirt without any opening in front or take it off without this pain on my shoulder.

I also had this recurring pain on my left leg since May 2005. It got to the pain when just going up and down the stairs caused pain from my foot stretching up to my hip.

I finally decided to go to the doctor. I ended up going to a physical rehabilitation doctor. Was I scared!!

Talk about procrastination taking its toll on my health.

Well, I ended up going through EMG -something I would not want to go through again - having acupuncture like needles going through my skin with a bit of electric current. Never again... Plus I had to go through an xray of my lower back - that I was easy. It was like posing for the camera.

And then I had to go through weeks of physical theraphy sessions for muscle mobility...and I still have 2 more sessions to go through for my left leg.

Muscle mobility exercises are easy on the tongue but can be excruciatingly painful and expensive.

Because I do not want to go through such pain again and the anxiety of wondering what could be wrong with me that needles had to be inserted into several parts of my body I am determined to learn my lessons and learn them very, very well.

And here they are (drum roll please)...

FIRST, pay attention to the pain in my body. It's telling me something.

SECOND, not to use work as an excuse for not caring for my body.

THIRD, exercise is good for me.

Early in the morning I do the exercises prescribed by my theraphist for my shoulder and leg. It does not matter if I have to start work at 9am.

Because my work entails working on the laptop for hours, I take breaks every 30 minutes to exercise my shoulder or just to dance around with my own moves stretching my arms and legs. Try it sometime!

Because I work at home I can easily do that while tuned into a live station 365 where I have a wide array of genres to choose from.

Being a workaholic, no that's exactly right, I mean being a recovering workaholic, I am slowly infusing changes into my lifestyle. And it's taking time, but it certainly is making life so much more fun.

I got to go now...and dance!!

Leaping into Newness

2008-03-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

This is one of those rare times that I do something without giving it much , much thought. And I like it! To me it is the start of what seems to be a great adventure.

I would like to be an advocate for well being and for enhancing living in community in an urban jungle where life is increasingly turning dysfunctional and higly individualistic.

I would like to share my 2 cents worth of what little i have learned about living and facing up to the struggles of life, of falling and standing up again, and moving on.